crush images - Photographer Bristol

Castle Park, Bristol (Sat 16 July)

Pride is an oasis of glorious sunshine. We arrive, minds still reeling from the latest vile antics of the Murdoch media empire: how could this man be allowed to poach ‘Glee’ from E4? It’s reassuring to learn that the video stall is stocking both ‘The Vicar Of Dibley’ and ‘The Complete Bagpuss’. The Cabaret Stage’s fabulously filthy Mary Golds is mercilessly abusing the pre-watershed with advice on faking orgasm (“It’s easy for blokes, you can just spit on their back!”) and exhorting mass singing (‘Swansea’s louder!’), while the Showcase Stage presents formation hula-hooping. Best T-shirts: ‘Never Kissed A Tory’ and ‘Lebanese’. Gecko clatter through full-fat world grooves and a cover of Outcast’s ‘Sorry Ms Jackson’ to general approval. I encounter blatant discrimination when forbidden entry to the VIP Area despite my press pass. I therefore have no sleb gossip for you. Dr Meaker, battling a sore throat (“I sounded like a little girl!”) drops ‘Moving And Grooving’ and gets the crowd doing both. ‘Rubber Glove’ sends out some major bass wobble. It’s now officially glorious weather and a gaudy brass band parps merrily over the hill. Bright Light Bright Light offer up sleek 80s-flavoured house. “I only like the 90s,” explains the singer, confusingly. Back at the Showcase Stage, Eric Ness and band are a happy clatter of mandolin, bass and drums, off-roading into rockabilly with ‘I’ve Been Bad’. Recorded at Sun City in Memphis insists Eric. The genially bad-tempered cabaret compere Fanny Dazzle (now disparagingly referring to their stage as “the cabaret mat”) introduces headliner, Fonda Cox, a vision in blue chiffon and outsized wig, like Barbara Cartland gone wrong, for torch songs delivered with sandpaper gruffness.

“Her milkshake brings all the gays to the park!” announces our main stage host, magnificently attired in a giant lemon wig and knitted Ziggy Stardust pants. Kelis arrives to a packed arena, dressed as a stewardess from Richard Branson’s forthcoming space shuttle programme. “I came here to pleasure myself,” she says, the cheeky madam. This is largely true, with a set front-loaded with the anonymous big room techno of her newest album. ‘Trick Me’ arrives just in time and ‘Milkshake’ is mashed up with Madonna’s ‘Holiday’ to the crowd’s evident delight. She closes with the rather lovely ‘Acapella’. Goodness me. Emblazoned across the rear of that young man’s pants are the words ‘Wookey Hole’. A fabulous day. (Kid Pensioner)